Ever wonder what your therapist is thinking while you're talking?
Well, if you’re in session with me, it’s probably a lot of chaotic thoughts, or what I like to call “brain weasels.” They’re jumping around, saying things like: *Was that the right response? Am I interrupting them? Should I share a story from my own life? Do they think I’m a good therapist? Am I even a good therapist?*
It’s like a constant internal critique panel that just doesn’t stop.
And as much as I’d love to shut it all off, that self-critical voice is just part of my experience—both as a therapist and a person. There’s always this part of me, let’s call her Darlene, who’s ready to point out every little thing I’m doing wrong. At the grocery store, she’s telling me people are judging me for taking too long at the self-checkout. When I’m driving, she’s convinced the person behind me is getting irritated because I’m going too slow. A friend invites me to hang out? Darlene says it’s probably because they didn’t have anyone else to ask.
But here’s the thing: just because Darlene is loud doesn’t mean I have to listen to her all the time.
This is where acceptance comes in, which is a big part of what I work on in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to *like* the self-critical voice. You just have to let it exist without letting it run the show. Even though Darlene’s constant commentary isn’t fun, I don’t have to take it as absolute truth or let it control what I do.
This is the same thing I help my clients with, especially the ones who struggle with self-
doubt and people-pleasing. A lot of us have an inner critic—whether it’s Darlene or something else—that tells us we’re not enough, that we’re being judged, or that we have to be perfect to be loved. If we listened to that voice all the time, we’d live such small, limited lives. We wouldn’t take risks, set boundaries, or follow what truly matters to us.
In therapy, we work on developing a kinder, more compassionate response to that inner critic. For me, when Darlene gets loud in session, I’ll say to her internally, “Hey girl, I hear you, but I’m trying to be present with my client right now. We can chat later.” It’s not about getting rid of her completely—just like you can’t erase your self-doubt overnight—but it’s about creating some space so you can still move forward.
At Divergent Path Wellness, where we support queer folks, neurodivergent folks and people with spiritual and religious trauma, this practice is especially powerful. A lot of my clients have spent their lives navigating systems that weren’t built for them, and that inner critic can get really loud. Practicing self-compassion becomes a radical act of resistance—choosing to honor who you are, even when that Darlene voice is telling you otherwise.
So next time your own inner critic starts piping up, try acknowledging it without letting it take over. Say, “Thanks for your input,” and keep going toward the things that truly matter to you.
Hannah Dickey MSW, LMSW
Supervisee in Social Work
Psychotherapist at Divergent Path Wellness
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