Post-election strategies from a social-justice-oriented psychotherapist
The morning after election night, I woke up and saw who won. I sighed and slumped back for a minute and then pulled myself out of bed. There were chores to be done and work to do. That morning, I was surprisingly unaffected by the results. I knew it was a good possibility that Trump would take office again, be it through the vote or through another January 6th. I shrugged my shoulders and kept doing what I had to do.
I went about my day. I dropped my wife off at the airport for a work trip, went to a staff meeting, saw clients. All through it I was calm. Then I sat down after dinner, alone in my house, and the feelings surfaced. I completely lost that illusion of control. I got hooked by all of the thoughts and anxieties that had been sitting there, under the surface and started to spiral. I have been through that storm of emotions before and eventually noticed what was happening. I dropped anchor.
"Dropping anchor" is a technique for Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, the type of therapy I use in working with adult clients in individual therapy at Divergent Path Wellness. Dropping anchor includes noticing feelings, connecting with the present moment, and taking effective values-aligned action. It is sometimes summed with the acronym ACE: Acknowledge, Connect, Engage.
Connecting with the present moment, I sat on my couch and brought my attention fully to what I was doing, taking careful note of the decorative pillows my spouse insists on, practiced my breathing, and engaged that part of me that notices and observes.
What was I feeling? First and foremost, fear and anger. Fear of what was to come and anger that so many people embraced hate. Fear, anger, sadness, grief, rage, hurt.
These feelings that I have felt in the past week and have been echoed by many of the people around me: family, friends, clients, colleagues. Still others have shared that they feel numb, disconnected, shocked. All powerful and valid feelings.
So, how do we make these painful feelings go away?
First of all, let's acknowledge how normal it is to want to avoid pain. It's such a normal thing to want to painful feelings to disappear, but when it comes to trying to get rid of these experiences...
We don't.
Trying to get rid of feelings doesn't usually work in the long run. The more we fight against our feelings, the stronger their grip.
Try an exercise with me. Take a minute and sit quietly and whatever you do, don't think about fluffy, white, bunnies. Don't think about their soft fur, or the way their noses twitch. Don't think about the way they hop from place to place. Don't think about their long ears. And absolutely, don't think about their cotton ball tails. Really try your hardest, don't let yourself think about bunnies.
How did that minute go? Were you able to avoid thinking about bunnies? You may have been able to distract yourself for a time but I am guessing that at some point your mind drifted back to these adorable little creatures (you're welcome). So what do we do?
This gets tricky because language is tricky. We assign feelings and meanings to words. Often when we hear words like “acceptance” what we hear is “resigned”, or “giving up”. When I refer to acceptance here, I mean accepting that we are having these feelings. I mean allowing ourselves to feel them.
Whatever you're feeling is okay.
You are allowed to be upset. You are allowed to be angry. You are allowed to be sad.
These feelings are as much a part of the human experience as happiness, excitement, and joy. Fighting them doesn't make them go away any more than telling ourselves to stop thinking about bunnies removes their floppy ears from our minds. Take notice of them. Name them. Write them down in a journal or speak them aloud. Acknowledge your feelings. Feelings are information.
What are your feelings telling you? Mine are telling me that I don’t know what’s coming next and that’s scary. My fear and anger are still there, but I’m not hiding from them anymore. I’m acknowledging them, I’m aware of them. I thank them for telling me that something is wrong.
I mean that very literally: I sat on my couch and thanked my anger and fear for letting me know. It was awkward.
It also didn't make the feelings go away. I don't think they're going anywhere for a while. And that's ok. Just because they are there, doesn't mean I have to engage with them. It doesn't mean I have to struggle with them. It frees up a lot of energy and time.
I use that energy to reach out to safe loved ones for mutual support and aid. I reach out to community organizations that share my values and learn more about who they are and what I can do to help. I use it to exercise. I use it to read cozy fiction. Through all of it, my feelings are there. They don't go away, but I do add to them. The crisp fall air calms me. The exercise burns up some of that nervous energy. Reaching out to my found family and community groups feeds my love and hope for the future. I get to carry all of these feelings with me wherever I go. One isn't better or worse than another, they are all a part of what makes me who I am.
I invite you to try this out with me. Here in this moment you can pause and drop anchor by taking these steps:
Acknowledge your feelings
Connect with the moment
Engage in what matters
Remember, while you might not want your painful feelings, they are a natural part of this human experience and worth offering some openness and curiosity.
Matthew Christensen MSW
Supervisee in Social Work
Divergent Path Wellness
If you're looking for an inclusive therapist like Matthew in Virginia
Check out the team at Divergent Path Wellness
and schedule a free consultation.
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